I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
