Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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