I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
