a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
