He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
