Well douche your snatch and let's go!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
