Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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