This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize