Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
