For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
