Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize