Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
