He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
