Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hippo gnu deer
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
