Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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