I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
