i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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