I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
