my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
