last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
