Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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