I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
