How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
