come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize