I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
