i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
