It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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