You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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