I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
