I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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