i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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