Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
