Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
