Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
