So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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