ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
