how can u be prego again
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
