is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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