Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
