the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
