Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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