Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
