just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
