I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
