didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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