my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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