why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
