I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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