Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
