Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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