I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
