just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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