She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
