She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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