you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
so much tequila, so little girl.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
