i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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