when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and she was petting her beer can
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
