She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
