girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
