i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
