I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
