watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
