respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
