what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize