she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
