The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
