the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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