i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize