Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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