oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This baby is an asshole
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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