i just sent this text using only my big toe
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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