1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize