So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
