He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
