After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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