girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
