the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
