Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i think we sleep fucked last night...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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