You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
