That's intense
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
