He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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