Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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