I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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