WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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