If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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