One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
