you're like a bully in the Christmas story
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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