That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
