you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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