i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
