My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
