Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
