I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
