i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
