Apparently you make a good broom.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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