Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Randomize
