Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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