I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
