i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
