You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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