He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize