I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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