I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
