just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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