Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
