I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it's like heaven, but drunker
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
